Spiritual Practice: Opposing Injustice

Me at the Reno BLM Protest

The recent murder of George Floyd has once again brought to the forefront the state of racism in America. Thousands have rallied to peacefully protest, and small groups of agitators have turned these peaceful rallies into riots, bringing violence and destruction.

I walked in the Reno protest. One thousand people walking together, many holding signs. It was beautiful. Later that night a group drove into town and started breaking windows and burning property. That was not Reno, and that was not the organizers of the march, who immediately condemned the violence. There is much speculation about who the rioters were but no one knows for sure. Our community was heartbroken but turned out the next day to help clean up. That is who we are.

As I write this, it is #BlackOutTuesday. You may have seen some black profile pictures on your Facebook, Twitter or Instagram. It’s a day to stay off social media and dedicate ourselves to learn more about racism and what we can do to end it. I’m still learning, but I want to share a few ideas which I will post Wednesday. Here are some easy onramp ideas to help us move forward.

1. Listen. If you read something a person of color has written online, or if you are in a conversation with a person of color, don’t say “But what about…?” Just listen, ask clarifying questions and learn.
2. Read. Read outside of your own culture. We often read from only our own culture. Let’s expand ourselves. Try one of these books:

Why are all the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria? I read this book and it really helped me. It also led to my writing of the book, Cracker (see below).

Yesterday I joined a small group of people reading, Between the World and Me. I want to continue to grow, learn and understand.

Or if you prefer fiction try, The Hate You Give, which is also a fantastic movie and will help you understand how riots happen.

3. Vote. Think about being involved in local politics or voting for candidates who support justice for the marginalized. Maybe you could staff a voting place, canvas or drive someone to the polls.
4. Pray. Never has our land needed prayer more. This is a critical time to open ourselves to the Spirit of God. We need divine intervention to move forward as a people. Some people are too devastated even to pray. For them I recommend closing your eyes, lifting your hands, visualizing the hurting world and placing it in the hands of the divine. This is big and painful and we can’t shoulder it all at once or alone. Many groups are gathering together online to respond in prayer.
5. Hope. For me, I find it a painful yet hopeful time. This quarantine has given us time to pause, look deeply at ourselves and take stock. We see the good in all the beautiful creativity that has gushed forward. We see the pain and fear, even the hate that has also been unleashed. It’s time to stand against the fear and hate. It’s time to heal the pain. It’s time to move the earth toward love and peace. We must pray together, work together, hope together.
6. Act. DO SOMETHING/SAY SOMETHING. Speak out on social media and take the heat. Trust me, I know that is hard. I try to keep people from arguing on my wall but it seems to happen whenever I speak out. I try to respond in love and have taken breaks from Social Media to keep my heart from becoming bitter. You might try to march in a protest or stand with the marginalized in some way. Silence is not an option.  Call or write your representatives and ask, “What are you doing to change the systemic oppression of people of color?” Check out http://www.Theactionpac.com for up to the minute information about how to be involved.

When I was in middle school, I was trying to understand racism and my librarian (yay for librarians) recommended some books which I read and still think about today. One of them, Black Like Me, was a true story about a man who takes pills to turn his skin black, perms and dyes his hair and experienced life as a black man. His experiences were life changing for me because it was an opportunity as a white person to know what it felt like to live the black experience.

A few years ago, I was thinking of that book. I wrote Cracker to help people today have that same experience through  fiction. It flips the script so that we are forced to walk in a world where white folks are the oppressed minority. Everyone who reads it, black and white, says it’s really hard to keep yourself from flipping the script back over, but all agree it makes them more mindful of things like microaggression, systemic injustice and racism. It has a discussion guide in the back. It’s a good starting place. You can find it here.

Let me know what you are learning or trying in standing with our brothers and sisters of color to bring about a better world. Stay safe!

Photo of black women by Christina Morillo on Pexels.com

Spiritual Practice: Withholding Judgement

People walk along the Camino De Santiago in Spain as a spiritual practice of pilgrimage. Recently I was involved in an online version of this pilgrimage which was very interesting. One thing our leaders emphasized in the orientation is every person has a different Camino, meaning you can’t compare your experience to that of anyone else as each is unique.

I’ve been trying to develop this mindset about the pandemic when I want to judge someone else’s experience. When I feel angry about protesters or people not wearing masks, I get really judgy.

The truth is, each person is experiencing this pandemic completely differently.

Some are overwhelmed with having small kids at home and trying to work, some are facing financial ruin, some are experiencing acute anxiety, and some have to work no matter what. I don’t have any idea what you are going through and I want to stop comparing my quarantine experience to yours.

Recently I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with Eckhart Tolle and he pointed out that America has not gone through anything this catastrophic since WW2. Since most of us did not live through WW2, this is a first for most of us! We are all just trying our best for ourselves and our families.

How do we keep from judging others during this time?

First, limit social media. It can be a black hole of division. I was hoping this pandemic would be a time of coming together in love, but it seems only to be strengthening the divide between us among some groups. If there is someone whose posts are constantly bringing you down, unfollow or mute them in some way, at least for a time.

The same can be said for the news as well. We all need to stay informed, but an hour a day can do that. Don’t let yourself get sucked into that black hole of fear.

Instead, give yourself time to meditate, pray, and focus on something positive. We need positivity now more than ever. John Krasinski’s SGN (Some Good News) broadcasts have been a lifesaver for me. They make me laugh and cry and see the hope in the world every week. Thank you, John!

Get outside. I know this will be harder for some of you than for others but there is nothing like fresh air and nature to bring peace, joy, and cleansing into your life.

Think of your various relationships as having either a net negative or net positive charge. The folks that are always draining your battery need to be balanced by those that bring a positive charge. Take an inventory. Is your life full of net negative people? Time to add some net positive folks or at least limit time with the net negatives.

Most of all maintain an attitude of GRACE. We are all just trying to figure this out. People are reacting out of fear in very public ways. Let’s offer each other love, support, and grace and let go of the critical judgments.  I’m speaking to myself here first.

Let me know how you are navigating your pandemic. We can get through this together.

Photo Credit Camino 

Photo of nature by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

Spiritual Practice, Finding Your Authentic Self During Quarantine

This pandemic is stripping away many things. For some, it’s revealing the natural color of their hair, nails, and skin. For others, without sports into which to pour their adrenalin, it is revealing anger and restlessness that might otherwise be masked. For parents, it’s adding homeschooling to already full lives. For people living together, it’s adding strain to relationships. This is a hard time—no doubt about that.

But, could it be that in time of isolation from all the things that comfort and numb us, our authentic selves are starting to emerge? I was speaking to a young, single mom who has been trapped in a house for six weeks with her children while she was working, going to graduate school, and trying to home school her kids. I was expecting her to complain, but her comment surprised me, “I’ve actually enjoyed my time with the girls,” she said. “I’ve felt my heart grow three sizes bigger.”

We all have our inborn authentic selves that get covered by the adaptive selves, which develop as we face later hard circumstances. Those adaptive selves mask who we were created to be and come out in full force during times of stress. As we face the ugliness of our impatience, anxiety, and fear, perhaps we will also begin to see our true selves, and our hearts will start to expand toward ourselves and others.

Loretta Brady, in her book “Beginning Your Enneagram Journey,” said,

“We need to find a way to shed our cover, to let go of our ego, to retrieve our original God-gifted selves, to discover the lost treasure of our true persons.”

Perhaps this virus is putting us on a fast track to uncovering the treasure of our true, authentic selves. But, how do we deal with our false, adapted selves to get to the real us? Ruth Haley Barton, in her book “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership suggests,

“Some of us will wear ourselves out trying to change ourselves before we realize it is not about fixing; it is about letting go – letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us… All we stand to lose is the false self – the adaptive behaviors that are ultimately in opposition to the life of love and trust and being led by God that our hearts long for.”

Right now, we are in a forge of pressure, which is unprecedented in our lifetime. It is the perfect time to let things go, to try on new ways of being, to unmask ourselves and find healing. But we might need help in the unveiling of our authentic selves. In light of that, I offer these ideas for catalysts toward change:

If your authentic self is hidden under layers of pain and trauma from your life experiences, I recommend counseling. Yep, therapists are still working right now online, and some in offices. Maybe you’ve thought about seeing a counselor for a long time but keep putting it off. This might be the perfect time to give It a try.

Spiritual directors are also wonderful folks who will walk you through spiritual growth. You can find one near you on the spiritual directors international website.

The Enneagram is a fantastic tool for helping understand your authentic self and your adapted self. I’ve spoken a lot about this tool, and you can see the books I’ve read on the topic here. I’m currently reading, “Self to Lose, Self to Find,” by Marilyn Vancil, but find a book that works for you.

You know I’m all about silence for discovering clarity. What a perfect time this might be to give it a try. Sit for five minutes (or more) a day with no agenda. Just let your mind wander. It’s amazing what will bubble up. Or use one of the many apps to do a guided meditation. I use Insight Timer. Others use Calm or Headspace. Give it a try.

Many folks have COVID-19 dreams. It might be a good time to start a dream journal. Keeping track, even if you only remember a dream fragment, write it down. This will prime the pump for more dream memories to stay with you. Writing them down and over time, they will reveal themes of things you can ponder.

Many of us shelter in place with loved ones, but I have many friends who are sheltering alone. Most of them find solace in their contemplative practices. This blog is full of easy onramp spiritual practices to try. Try on different ones until you find some you like.

And pets! Several friends have found adopting an animal is really helping them survive this time well. They’ve told me that having a pet has reconnected them to “play,” which is something important that we often forget how to do — especially in serious times like this. There is something so calming about having a pet right now. And if it is a dog, it will get you out of the house for walks and sunshine. That is a huge benefit.

If your relationship with your partner is strained, it’s time to get help. I saw a meme that said, “You can’t spell Divorce without COVID.” Watch this thirty-minute Red Table Talk for some practical help with your partner during quarantine.

Whatever you decide, go easy on yourself right now—lower the bar. Try to be a good parent instead of a great one. Allow yourself to be a mediocre worker instead of a star. One of my friend’s children are in a school that is putting massive pressure on the parents to keep up all the kids’ work. She is spending nine hours a day on schoolwork between her three kids. She is afraid their grades will go down. You know, if your kid’s grades drop a bit in a PANDEMIC, I think that’s gonna be okay. This is not a time to shame yourself about anything. But, if you have it in you, try to uncover a bit of your true selves from your adapted selves. I promise it will be worth the effort.

I’d love to know how you are handling this pandemic. Feel free to drop me a note about the adaptive or authentic parts of yourselves that you are uncovering. There will be no judgment here.  I’m also leaving you with a bedtime story. It is my prayer for all of us and my hope for the future of our planet.

 

Top Photo by Ichad Windhiagiri on Pexels.com

Lower Photo by Marek Mucha on Pexels.com

Spiritual Practice: Guided Meditation for Times of Stress

In my private practice, we use a lot of mindfulness and meditation to help clients learn to relax and lower their anxiety. I believe these practices are great spiritual practices to help connect our minds, hearts, and bodies.

Most of us are living in a time of increased anxiety, although as the popular meme says, we are all in the same boat but not in the same storm.

 

 

To help my clients, I’ve been leading them through some guided meditations and I thought I’d offer one to you today. So, wait until you have ten minutes, get to a quiet place and allow yourself to relax. If this helps you, there are a lot of apps like Insight Timer and Head Space that offer free guided meditations.

Let me know if this helps you or what guided meditations you’ve enjoyed during this difficult time.

 

 

 

Photo at top by Life Of Pix on Pexels.com

Storm Meme from Facebook. No author noted

Spiritual Practice: Facing Death During a Pandemic

 

In the last month, we have all been confronted with our mortality. If you have not, you’re not paying attention. This virus is a killer, of any age, race, or socioeconomic status. 

How do we face the reality that we might die sooner than later? I’m not trying to be morbid or doomsaying, but simply invite us to look at how we handle this as spiritually focused people. Besides pulling up your, “I’m not afraid to die because I know where I’m going,” boots, how do we live in this current reality? Here are some ideas:

This reality, and our new social isolation, give us a unique opportunity to reflect on our lives. It’s a good time to look back and review. How do I feel about life so far? How do I feel about the choices I’ve made, the job I have, or the people I’ve committed to? What are my regrets? What might be some things I’d like to change if I live through this pandemic?

As we look back, are there people we need to forgive? People we need to affirm? Perhaps it’s a good time to make a phone call or send a letter to someone you have unfinished business with — or a card of encouragement to someone who has loved you well.

When I worked for hospice with people staring death in the face, the number one thing they wanted was to reconnect with people they’d been estranged from. When we could make that happen, both parties always cried tears of joy and relief. 

Many of my therapy clients were anxious and stressed the first week of social distancing. By the second week, all but the teenagers were starting to enjoy a slower pace and relax into it. What lessons have we learned about ourselves and a slower pace that we might want to take into the next season when life gets back to “normal?” Perhaps we would like to keep some of the slowness we are experiencing now. 

On a practical side, is it time to update your will? Perhaps you need to share your passwords with someone you trust or let the people you love know how you feel about being kept alive by extreme measures. If your family were to have a funeral down the road or a memorial service, is there something specific you’d like to happen there? Is there anything important you need to share with anyone?

It might be good to make a video or write a letter to your family or friends, saying what’s important. People that are dying of the virus are dying quickly, and they are isolated from their families, many without a chance to even call and say goodbye. You can proactively do this for your family by making a video or writing a letter just in case. 

And finally, how are you doing with God? God loves every inch of you, just the way you are, and longs for a relationship with you. God is good, kind, loving, and accepting. God is not the sole property of any one religion, but available to all. If you’ve become estranged from God, this might be a good time to reconnect. I’ve found that faith communities can be a good support to you and your loved ones during a time of crisis or death. 

It’s a scary time, but not facing these things will not help you. American’s are notoriously afraid of talking about death. It’s time to change that narrative and take away the fear and panic. We can be proactive and use this crisis as a time to grow spiritually and prepare ourselves. 

 

Let me know if you have some ideas to help you as you think about your own mortality.

 

Photo of man with mirror by Marlon Schmeiski on Pexels.com

Photo of woman in mirror by Anna Shvets on Pexels.com

Spiritual Practice: Trying New Things During Hard Times

 

Well, the world has changed since I wrote my last blog two weeks ago. There is a lot of fear, panic, and anxiety now. We’ve added new terms to our vocabulary like social distancing, six-feet-apart, and panic buying. Our brave men and women on the front line of the pandemic are still working, but the rest of us can help most by staying home and praying for them, supporting small businesses, and giving help to those in need.

But amidst the negative, there is one thing I’ve noticed that is super interesting.  The old saying, “Necessity is the mother of invention,” is true. People who are been confined to their homes are starting to create and share what they are doing. Sewers are making masks for hospitals, gyms are sharing workouts, singers are sharing songs, and writers are reading their books.

So, I took this question to the virtual streets and asked folks what they were trying at home that’s new for them. As for me, I’ve tried Zoom as have many of you including my friends Andy and Sharon. I was a Skype gal before, but now it’s Zoom staff meetings, Zoom counseling, and I even had a Zoom happy hour with my friends and family. Don’t be afraid to try this. It really helps you feel less isolated.

I also tried Yin Yoga online. It’s way harder than it sounds. You hold an uncomfortable position for five minutes and then switch to another uncomfortable position for five minutes. You do this for an hour. I’m not a huge fan but I’d probably try it again. There are tons of free workout options to try. Keep your body moving!

What a great time to try new things. This turns our despair into hope and our sadness into joy. Here are answers from my friends and you’re invited to add your new things to the comments below.

Cooking: I personally have not tried this but you can!

Randy: I’m making bread (Navajo flatbread came out pretty well, and I’ll be trying beer bread this week).

Julie: Made “Swiss biscuits” this morning

Whitney: Trying TONS of new recipes to use all the food that has been sitting in the pantry forever.

Cleaning: This is also on my list of things to do but…not yet.

Shelly: Spring cleaning, lots of dishes

Jack: Cleaning all the door handles and light switches.

Jane: Consolidating all my sample creams/lotions into one container to use them up. Making tags (using luggage tags) to label black vs navy pants on the hangers in my closet.

Spiritual Practices: Mine have stayed largely the same, but these are great.

Misty: I am adding a deeper level to my mediation practice. Super humbling.

Whitney: Added a daily mediation.

Rittie: Walking more. Trusting more.

Chris: News distancing.

Kim: Online church

Fun and Creative Things: This section cracks me up and gives me hope. Step out, create, try new things!

Shelly: Things I’m Not doing: My hair or makeup; Getting my nails done; Getting out of bed at 6am

Jodie: Drawing more

Rod:  Trying to learn Russian on DuoLingo

Whitney, Getting a Wellness Coach online certification.

Jane: Passive—letting my hair grow the longest it has been since high school.
Drawing pictures of the homes I lived in growing up in the military (at least 12), to be converted later into quilt squares for a wall hanging.
Writing a message to my grown children in case I must be separated from them in the hospital. Will form the basis for an ethical will later.

Patty and Shelly: jigsaw puzzles

Sarah: Had a zoom playdate for the kids. It was great to see them dancing together and showing each other their pets.

I’m anxious to hear more! Drop a comment below to share what you are trying to make this time less treading water and more growth-oriented.

 

 

Yoga Photo by Valeria Ushakova on Pexels.com

Cooking Photo by Elly Fairytale on Pexels.com

Cleaning Photo by cottonbro on Pexels.com

Spiritual PRactice Photo by Negative Space onPexels.com

Creativity Photo by Andrea Piacquadio on Pexels.com

Spiritual Practice: Loving Difficult People

 

We all have people we would not spend time with if we were given a choice. But because of work, family, or social obligations, we need to do so occasionally. How do we love difficult people?

First, I believe it’s good to know that we don’t need to “like” everyone we meet. There are people you just won’t like, and there are people who won’t like you, and it’s okay. But love is different. We are called if we are to walk in the way of love, to love everyone. What does that look like? How do we do it?

We must first love ourselves, which can be hard to do. But it is part of the greatest wisdom, “Love God with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength and love your neighbor as YOURSELF (Mark 12:30-31). How do we get there?  We choose to press into our belief we are completely, unconditionally loved by God. One way to do so includes sitting in the presence of the divine while listening to and feeling God’s love for us until we begin to absorb and believe it. That work, between us and God, creates pathways for us to truly love our neighbor, even the difficult ones.

My hubby and I have been listening to the podcast for Richard Rohr’s new book, The Universal Christ. The podcast is called, Another Name for Every Thing, and it is fantastic! During these interviews with Fr. Richard, they talk a lot about this concept of seeing yourself loved by God. Within the divine gaze, there is no good or bad, right or wrong, approval or disapproval. We just are. We are loved.

We can also pray a blessing on difficult people as suggested in the beatitudes, “Love your enemies, bless those cursing you, do good to those hating you, and pray for those accusing you falsely, and persecuting you” Matthew 5:44.

I love the scene from Fiddler on the Roof where someone asks the Rabbi if he had a blessing for the Czar. The Rabbi replies, “Lord, bless and keep the Czar…far away from us!” And sometimes that is the best we can do. From the view of the universal Christ, it is good to remember that there is no “us or them,” there is only “we.” If we can try and put on the lens of love, we can usually find compassion for a difficult person. If they are unliked by nearly everyone, something bad must have happened for them to become who they are, right? So, we can pray for their healing, softening, loneliness.

Ultimately, when we feel triggered by another person’s actions, words or behavior, it’s probably about us. The hard work is really pressing into what buttons they are pushing in us that are making us uncomfortable. Is being trapped in a social stimulation with someone who is ranting about politics pushing your buttons because as a child you were trapped in abusive situations? It’s a good opportunity for self-reflection and it’s fodder for your time with your spiritual director or therapist.

Truthfully, it’s good to love difficult people, but it is – difficult. So, don’t beat yourself up too hard. “Failing” to be gracious and merciful toward another is an excellent opportunity to admit we are still growing and ask God for help along the way. Just try your best and do some reflection afterward — and try to do better tomorrow.

 

Have you had success in loving difficult people? I’d love to hear your stories and what has worked for you.

Photo of a man by Craig Adderley on Pexels.com

Photo of a woman by Edu Carvalho on Pexels.com