*If you’re looking for the book study on archetypes see the note below.
Self-care is getting a lot of press these days, but in my experience, a lot of people struggle with it, especially Christians. For some of us, the idea of taking time for ourselves feels selfish. I have felt guilty for even taking a nap. Yes, we are to love and serve others, but we can’t do so from an empty well. Burn out will always result.
So how do we develop self-care as a spiritual practice? First, we need to remember that God came up with the whole self-care idea. Remember the, “cease from work and take a nap day” idea? I feel like Americans especially have a hard time unplugging from work. Now that we are attached to our phones, work can find us no matter where we are. And when we are off work, we often let our brains vegetate in front of the TV because we are so worn out. The universe knew of our need to rest, and hence the idea of the Sabbath.
Next, it’s important to know that you are worth taking care of. Often, we worry about everyone else’s needs and put ourselves last on the “take care of” list.
Women are famous for this. The reality of the situation is if you don’t take care of yourself, no one else will. Actually, it’s no one else’s job. Your kids won’t do it, and your spouse shouldn’t have to. You need to take care of you. You are important.
So, what are some ways we can care for ourselves that don’t involve spending a ton of money at the spa? (My boss gave us a spa day for Christmas and I now know why people like to go there)!
For me, the most important thing I can give myself is time. Time away from other people, from my responsibilities, from my work, kids, and spouse. Why is that important? Am I super introverted? Nope. Actually, I’m an extrovert. But I’ve learned that we all need time alone in order to sort out our thoughts and feelings and to get ourselves realigned with the universe or God, or however, you think of your higher power. It’s like plugging your body into a battery charger. Even sitting alone for ten minutes with NO AGENDA can be life-changing. This is where our strength and wisdom come from. This is where direction and ideas have time to formulate. This is where the magic happens. Start with ten minutes and see what it will do for you.
I’ve expanded this concept for myself. I try to give myself an hour a day to reorder. I spend some of that time reading, writing, praying or meditating. I have a couple good apps I use for this time. The Insight Timer app has guided meditations for many topics as well as a timer you can set for any length of silence you want to try. And the Pray as you Go app has a short scriptural mediation that I’ve been enjoying lately.
I also try to keep Tuesdays as my Sabbath, as a day I do fun things to restore my soul. For me, that can mean sleeping in, going to the library to write, taking the dog for a hike, attending a yoga class, watching shows with my daughter, or any number of things.
Then, once a month I go to a retreat center for 24 hours of silence. I usually take a couple friends. That way we can talk as we drive the two hours to the center. We share what is happening in our lives and what we need from our alone time. At the center, we are in silence until dinner, when we talk about our time alone so far. On the way home, we debrief. Having friends along is fun and makes it a community experience, but I also enjoy going alone. While I’m at the center I meet with my spiritual director, who is a spiritual source of help and encouragement. I try to have NO AGENDA while at the center. They have beautiful grounds to walk around, a labyrinth to enjoy, and a little forest to stroll in. I almost always take a nap and a long walk too.
If you live in Northern California or Northern Nevada, you can join me for a weekend retreat this summer. It will be a guided silent retreat and you can learn more here.
You might think this all sounds like I’m spending A LOT of time on myself, and I know that might not be doable for you, depending on your life phase or financial means. But truthfully, the discipline of spending time alone, with myself and with God, has brought the most significant change to my life. When I skip any of those opportunities to be alone, I really miss it. My husband definitely sees a difference in my attitude when I return from time away. I’m more patient, loving, creative, and calm when I take the time to care for myself.
Self-care involves more than just silence and solitude. Exercise, eating right, getting adequate sleep, and working on inner healing are all a part of self-care. But I think the first place to start is with ten minutes of silence each day. Give it a try and let me know what you think!
*I decided to let go of the book study on Illuminating the Way: Embracing the Wisdom of Monks and Mystics by Christine Valters Paintner, because I was losing readership and even though many people said they wanted to do the book study and follow along with the blog, very few people commented. So, I will continue the study on my own and if you are still doing the study, feel free to email me at Jacciturnerauthor at gmail.com, and we can continue the conversation there.
Photo credit: candle