Spiritual Practice: Withholding Judgement

People walk along the Camino De Santiago in Spain as a spiritual practice of pilgrimage. Recently I was involved in an online version of this pilgrimage which was very interesting. One thing our leaders emphasized in the orientation is every person has a different Camino, meaning you can’t compare your experience to that of anyone else as each is unique.

I’ve been trying to develop this mindset about the pandemic when I want to judge someone else’s experience. When I feel angry about protesters or people not wearing masks, I get really judgy.

The truth is, each person is experiencing this pandemic completely differently.

Some are overwhelmed with having small kids at home and trying to work, some are facing financial ruin, some are experiencing acute anxiety, and some have to work no matter what. I don’t have any idea what you are going through and I want to stop comparing my quarantine experience to yours.

Recently I was listening to Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday with Eckhart Tolle and he pointed out that America has not gone through anything this catastrophic since WW2. Since most of us did not live through WW2, this is a first for most of us! We are all just trying our best for ourselves and our families.

How do we keep from judging others during this time?

First, limit social media. It can be a black hole of division. I was hoping this pandemic would be a time of coming together in love, but it seems only to be strengthening the divide between us among some groups. If there is someone whose posts are constantly bringing you down, unfollow or mute them in some way, at least for a time.

The same can be said for the news as well. We all need to stay informed, but an hour a day can do that. Don’t let yourself get sucked into that black hole of fear.

Instead, give yourself time to meditate, pray, and focus on something positive. We need positivity now more than ever. John Krasinski’s SGN (Some Good News) broadcasts have been a lifesaver for me. They make me laugh and cry and see the hope in the world every week. Thank you, John!

Get outside. I know this will be harder for some of you than for others but there is nothing like fresh air and nature to bring peace, joy, and cleansing into your life.

Think of your various relationships as having either a net negative or net positive charge. The folks that are always draining your battery need to be balanced by those that bring a positive charge. Take an inventory. Is your life full of net negative people? Time to add some net positive folks or at least limit time with the net negatives.

Most of all maintain an attitude of GRACE. We are all just trying to figure this out. People are reacting out of fear in very public ways. Let’s offer each other love, support, and grace and let go of the critical judgments.  I’m speaking to myself here first.

Let me know how you are navigating your pandemic. We can get through this together.

Photo Credit Camino 

Photo of nature by James Wheeler on Pexels.com

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Spiritual Practice, Finding Your Authentic Self During Quarantine

This pandemic is stripping away many things. For some, it’s revealing the natural color of their hair, nails, and skin. For others, without sports into which to pour their adrenalin, it is revealing anger and restlessness that might otherwise be masked. For parents, it’s adding homeschooling to already full lives. For people living together, it’s adding strain to relationships. This is a hard time—no doubt about that.

But, could it be that in time of isolation from all the things that comfort and numb us, our authentic selves are starting to emerge? I was speaking to a young, single mom who has been trapped in a house for six weeks with her children while she was working, going to graduate school, and trying to home school her kids. I was expecting her to complain, but her comment surprised me, “I’ve actually enjoyed my time with the girls,” she said. “I’ve felt my heart grow three sizes bigger.”

We all have our inborn authentic selves that get covered by the adaptive selves, which develop as we face later hard circumstances. Those adaptive selves mask who we were created to be and come out in full force during times of stress. As we face the ugliness of our impatience, anxiety, and fear, perhaps we will also begin to see our true selves, and our hearts will start to expand toward ourselves and others.

Loretta Brady, in her book “Beginning Your Enneagram Journey,” said,

“We need to find a way to shed our cover, to let go of our ego, to retrieve our original God-gifted selves, to discover the lost treasure of our true persons.”

Perhaps this virus is putting us on a fast track to uncovering the treasure of our true, authentic selves. But, how do we deal with our false, adapted selves to get to the real us? Ruth Haley Barton, in her book “Strengthening the Soul of Your Leadership suggests,

“Some of us will wear ourselves out trying to change ourselves before we realize it is not about fixing; it is about letting go – letting go of old patterns that no longer serve us… All we stand to lose is the false self – the adaptive behaviors that are ultimately in opposition to the life of love and trust and being led by God that our hearts long for.”

Right now, we are in a forge of pressure, which is unprecedented in our lifetime. It is the perfect time to let things go, to try on new ways of being, to unmask ourselves and find healing. But we might need help in the unveiling of our authentic selves. In light of that, I offer these ideas for catalysts toward change:

If your authentic self is hidden under layers of pain and trauma from your life experiences, I recommend counseling. Yep, therapists are still working right now online, and some in offices. Maybe you’ve thought about seeing a counselor for a long time but keep putting it off. This might be the perfect time to give It a try.

Spiritual directors are also wonderful folks who will walk you through spiritual growth. You can find one near you on the spiritual directors international website.

The Enneagram is a fantastic tool for helping understand your authentic self and your adapted self. I’ve spoken a lot about this tool, and you can see the books I’ve read on the topic here. I’m currently reading, “Self to Lose, Self to Find,” by Marilyn Vancil, but find a book that works for you.

You know I’m all about silence for discovering clarity. What a perfect time this might be to give it a try. Sit for five minutes (or more) a day with no agenda. Just let your mind wander. It’s amazing what will bubble up. Or use one of the many apps to do a guided meditation. I use Insight Timer. Others use Calm or Headspace. Give it a try.

Many folks have COVID-19 dreams. It might be a good time to start a dream journal. Keeping track, even if you only remember a dream fragment, write it down. This will prime the pump for more dream memories to stay with you. Writing them down and over time, they will reveal themes of things you can ponder.

Many of us shelter in place with loved ones, but I have many friends who are sheltering alone. Most of them find solace in their contemplative practices. This blog is full of easy onramp spiritual practices to try. Try on different ones until you find some you like.

And pets! Several friends have found adopting an animal is really helping them survive this time well. They’ve told me that having a pet has reconnected them to “play,” which is something important that we often forget how to do — especially in serious times like this. There is something so calming about having a pet right now. And if it is a dog, it will get you out of the house for walks and sunshine. That is a huge benefit.

If your relationship with your partner is strained, it’s time to get help. I saw a meme that said, “You can’t spell Divorce without COVID.” Watch this thirty-minute Red Table Talk for some practical help with your partner during quarantine.

Whatever you decide, go easy on yourself right now—lower the bar. Try to be a good parent instead of a great one. Allow yourself to be a mediocre worker instead of a star. One of my friend’s children are in a school that is putting massive pressure on the parents to keep up all the kids’ work. She is spending nine hours a day on schoolwork between her three kids. She is afraid their grades will go down. You know, if your kid’s grades drop a bit in a PANDEMIC, I think that’s gonna be okay. This is not a time to shame yourself about anything. But, if you have it in you, try to uncover a bit of your true selves from your adapted selves. I promise it will be worth the effort.

I’d love to know how you are handling this pandemic. Feel free to drop me a note about the adaptive or authentic parts of yourselves that you are uncovering. There will be no judgment here.  I’m also leaving you with a bedtime story. It is my prayer for all of us and my hope for the future of our planet.

 

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