When I hear the word “rule” the rebel in me instantly reacts. Most of us can’t keep a New Year’s Resolution, let alone a list of rules to live by. But a Rule of Life is not about making a list of rules, it’s more about discovering what is important to you and building a trellis upon which those values might grow.
The Rule of Life came out of the desert mothers and fathers from the 3rd and 4th centuries. Interestingly, I recently did a Vision Board with some friends and found the process of working through the Rule of Life very similar. I once hired a business coach, (she’s amazing; here’s her link) and she also took me through a very similar process to find my goals for my business as an author. So, as with many spiritual practices, this wisdom from so long ago, has entered many different areas of our world today.
An important caution about creating a Rule of Life is the need to take your time. What you’re looking at are the different areas of your life: Your spirituality, your family, your work, your health, your friendships and how you give back to the world. When you find your core values in each area you can see everything else more clearly. It’s a clarification exercise. When you find out what is most important, you can make better decisions about what you want to keep and what you want to let go. Your Rule of Life can help you get back on track when you find yourself lost on a rabbit trail.
Here are two different ways to start.
- Brainstorm a list of fifty values that are important to you. Then narrow the list to only ten. Try living with that list for a week or two, looking at it daily. You may have to drop or add values to your list until you come to your top ten most important priorities.
- Another way to begin includes a vision exercise. Sit comfortably in your chair and breathe. Picture yourself on a bench somewhere safe and comfortable. Have Jesus or a spiritual leader you respect sit next to you. Tell that other person what you value most and how you want to live faithfully in the world. When you are finished listen to what they might say about what is important. (This idea comes from www.SSJE.org)
Once you have clarified your top values for each area of your life take your own pulse in each area. Are you doing what you really value with your time, energy, resources? Be gentle and loving with yourself here. This is not a “beat yourself up” moment, rather it’s a time to free yourself from unhelpful things and help you focus on the gold.
Recently I was walking under a big tree that was dropping its leaves for fall. The leaves were stunning, red, yellow, orange…and I thought, “What a beautiful waste. Why does something so lovely have to be discarded?” I knew the answer of course; the tree had to make way for new growth in the spring. Often, we have to give up good things to make room for better things. That’s what a Rule of Life can help you do.
Once you have refined your list of important values you can make a set of statements or goals to keep and place it somewhere visible. That list, is your Rule of Life. Of course, it can be revised over time as priorities change, but it’s essence will probably not change much.
Have you ever done a Rule of Life? I’d love to hear how it has helped you.
Try more spiritual practices here: The Retreat: A Tale of Spiritual Awakening